It begins

Through exhaustive soul-searching, I learned that I had an obsession with improving my social skills, analyzing social dynamics, studying attraction between people, and helping others. So it made sense to try to become a Social Skills coach.

PUA. It stands for Pick-up Artist and is used to represent the community and culture related to seducing woman. If I was going to master my social skills and provide social skills coaching, this seemed like a reasonable place to start. There was one problem. I was in a long-term relationship and happy. I needed to find an alternative to becoming a PUA. I had the natural inclination to the field and first-hand experience on overcoming poor social habits. That’s when I figured out a solution, I would become a professional wingman.

What’s your favorite character from a movie? Who is mine? Rusty Ryan (played by Brad Pitt) from Ocean’s 11. This movie is about an eccentric group of characters who get together to pull off a complex casino heist. Rusty, was Danny Ocean’s (played by George Clooney) right-hand man. While Danny Ocean focused on the big picture ideas and was responsible for the general plan, Rusty was responsible for the tiny specific details of the plan and was the one everyone turned to when problems arose. He was organized, likable, competent, and trustworthy. He made sure everything was in place and frequently called out Danny Ocean whenever the plan was in jeopardy. Thanks to Rusty Ryan, I now thought being a right-hand man was cool.

A Wingman is generally  a person that provides another person support when approaching potential partners. Being a wingman was the social interaction equivalent of Rusty Ryan.

Being a wingman is not a simple task. A good wingman is expected to posses a certain skill-set, have a certain mentality, be very knowledgeable in social dynamics, and was responsible for completing a lengthy list of duties. A good wingman should never be too inexperienced or he could hold his partner back and should always be of equal or greater knowledge. Having made progress in my social skills wasn’t enough, I had a lot of research and practicing to do.

I started on 4/5/15. I researched all PUA literature, online videos, and forums. I decided I would read 4 books that were generally regarded as the foundations of the PUA community: The Game by Neil Strauss, How to make friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie, Influence: the psychology of persuasion by Robert Cialdini, and Magic Bullets by Nick Savoy. I chose to pick introductory books and nothing specialized because through its years of existence, different schools of thought had emerged in the PUA community. My plan was to focus on a specific theory of seduction once I had a respectable understanding of the field. I started following well-known PUAs on Twitter, Reddit, and YouTube. I also went on PUA forums and requested to meet with local PUAs or anyone interested in the field. I wanted to have a partner to explore my ideas, motivate me, and maybe provide mentoring.

For the next 2 weeks, I treated Pick Up like my full-time job. I watched videos at work, practiced on girls when I was commuting, and read all night at home. The more I learned, the more I thought about it.

2 weeks later, I was on my second book, had scheduled a night out with another PUA newbie I met on some forums, and was enrolled in improv classes. I had reached out to several Miami-based dating coaches and had scheduled meetings with them. My goal was to get part-time work with them in order to get a foot in the field or at least learn from them.

Those who truly want something don’t just sit around expecting to get it, they go and get it.

Intro

Everyone enjoys deconstructing and analyzing the things in their life. After years of actively searching, I finally found my passion. Once I discovered this, I went all in and set out to perfect it. “It” was social seduction. This is my story.

People get into the game for several reasons. The most common reason? … To pick up girls. Like every young boy in the world, I secretly wished to myself that one day I would possess the power to seduce any woman I wanted. I lost count of how many birthday wishes were used to ask for the superpower of seduction. As I grew up, through no one’s fault in particular, I unfortunately developed poor social habits. These led to awkward interactions with others and limited my ability to interact with people on a deep level , let alone seduce woman.

I started college and for the first time was forced to frequently interact with strangers. I didn’t react well. I quickly became aware of my social inefficiencies and difficulties. I became hypercritical of my social skills and became obsessed with my faults. At first, I focused on analyzing and correcting myself. I started noticing the little things I did that had negative effects on people and starting picking them out of my behavior. The problem was that I didn’t replace them with any new behaviors. I didn’t know what to replace them with. My sharp teasing that would hurt people’s feelings were quickly replaced with quiet uncomfortable silence. My loud and inappropriate vocabulary was reduced to timid mumbling. I became plagued by fear of saying or doing something mean, unattractive, or offensive. College was a weird time but allowed me to relate to many social barriers that people struggle with on a daily basis.

At the time, I knew this way of thinking was doing more harm than good but I couldn’t stop. It started feeling hopeless. So halfway through college, I settled on a different goal. If I wasn’t going to be a ladies man, the life of the party, or an Alpha-male, then I’d compromise. I convinced myself that it was impossible to get everyone to love you and decided to focus on just not being disliked and easy to be around.

This goal felt more attainable. A couple of years of living with my fear of making bad impressions had shaped me into a very non-threatening person. I never openly criticized anyone, laughed at everyone’s jokes, and complimented too much.

This new goal was successful in a practical sense. I made new friends, was invited to parties, etc. The problem was that I never developed close friendships with anyone in college. My fear had consumed me and created thick social guards in my personality. I never got close to anybody and kept my thoughts and opinions private. I was too worried of exposing myself to someone else and then being disliked or rejected. I knew I could do better but was unable to make a change. A depression loomed over me.

I decided to study Psychology. I already spent all of my subconscious focused on human interactions. It only made sense to get graded for it. I wasn’t surprised to discover that I was really good at Psychology. Years of over analyzing social situations, people’s reactions, and tightly gauging my behavior around others had primed me for the self-reflection needed to thrive in Psychology. I learned how to contextualize my observations and understand social concepts. I eventually learned social behaviors that would have positive effects on others: open body language, eye contact, mirroring, friendly touches, reinforcement, and focusing on similarities. Now I just had to learn how to properly use them.

Initially, I struggled. My personality had reshaped itself and lacked the courage to face my fear of rejection head on. With the support of my long-term girlfriend, Stacey, I actively worked on the impression I made on others and made tiny steps in the right direction. I focused on self-confidence practices: spent time on my hobbies, allowed myself to enjoy my occasional accomplishments, and frequently engaged in positive self-talk. The biggest change came when I discovered the effect my body had on my mood. Studies suggest that smiling and “positive” body posture dramatically improve your mood. I used this technique very often. This self-trickery eventually led to the adoption of a belief that believe to this day, “Fake it til you make it.” Setting up a goal for who I wanted to be and acting like that ideal person allowed me to gradually shed my depression and make strides towards defeating my fear of others.

Eventually, I became confident in my abilities, had a high opinion of myself, and was highly motivated. Although I’d made a lot of progress, it was only making up for the years of damage that my fears had caused. Now that I had returned to my social skills baseline, it was time to work. I was going to get my childhood superpower after all.